Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
