he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
