my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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