So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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