the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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