I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
