we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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