I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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