You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
