Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
