Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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