I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
