The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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