I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
