The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
