Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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