Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
