dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
