My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
