dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So vagazzling was a success
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
