ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
