I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We left the knife in your bed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
