You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
