no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
