remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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