I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
