She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
