LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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