It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
