Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
