The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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