At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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