Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
