The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
