3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
