Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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