I'm eating all of the evidence.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
