I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
