she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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