Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
