wakey wakey hands off snakey
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
