Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
