So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
