I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
