Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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