You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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