ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
