when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
