i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
