god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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