some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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