watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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