i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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