maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
